


Angie Hates Weddings

by Whowantstoknow259



Series: Everyone is gay, almost nobody dies. [3]
Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I meant to make it fluffy and sweet and instead this came out, I'm so sorry, It's gonna get worse before it gets better, idk guys like i didn't even mean to do this, so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whowantstoknow259/pseuds/Whowantstoknow259
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were a matched set.</p><p>Always had been.</p><p>And it felt so suffocating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angie Hates Weddings

**Author's Note:**

> Right so listen, I promise this series will end happy. I promise. But this is really angsty and it's gonna be worse before it gets better. My bad. I just have a lot of emotions right now.

If she’s being honest Angie hates wedding, despises them which would be a surprise to everyone who knew her, except maybe Peggy. Because Angie loves being beautiful, she loves flowers and she loves wearing her sunday best, and she loves celebrations. Christmas, easter, birthdays, thanksgiving, hell, christenings, holidays in general, even when she and everyone she knew was dirt poor Angie loved the celebration, making the most out of what little she had. But not weddings.

When her older brother got married and had a real proper church wedding, Angie’s new sister had asked her to stand with them. It wasn’t fancy like the weddings that she sometimes saw in the downtown cathedrals, but it was real nice church wedding. Angie’s brother had saved up and got Liza, her sister-in-law, a new dress and someone from the church had given them flowers to hold and it was real beautiful and special and a celebration. And Angie hated it, had to a force a smile every minute, despite her being happy for the couple. 

The reason is that weddings are everything she likes and she doesn’t want one, can’t want one. What the point in wanting something you can’t have or having something that you don’t want. Cause the wedding she’d want, if she’d allow herself to do so, is one she can’t have, and the one she could have is one she’ll never want. 

But for some reason, lying here in the dark of their apartment, skin on skin, feeling Peggy breathe against her, slow and even, she finds herself wanting. It’s not like she wants to scream it out or even a big spectacle. She just wants to have the world acknowledge that Peggy Carter is hers and she is Peggy Carter’s. Angie wishes she could do everything proper like, wishes she could ask for Peggy’s hand, wishes she could buy her a new dress to wear up in front of everyone and god as they declared their commitment and faithfulness to each other. Angie would take Peggy’s last name, mostly cause the other way around would make Peggy Margaret Martinelli and Peggy has oddly strong opinions on alliteration and names. She’d be Angela Carter.

She wanted to be Angela Carter.

But she has to stomp that want out, this has to be enough, to sleep in Peggy’s arms every night and be able to kiss her whenever they’re alone, and sex so sinful it’d make a working girl blush. That has to be enough, and honestly if Angie had some sort of assurance that it would go on like this for the rest of their lives then it would be. More than enough. But she’s not stupid. 

Angie cuts that line of thinking off. Distracts herself by tracing the definition on Peggy’s stomach. There’s hardness under the soft skin that’s a new development. Both Peggy and Angie have always been on the scrawny side, walking everywhere in Brooklyn, not always having enough to eat, they had always been thin. When they went through puberty both of them developed what their 8th grade health education called “womanly curves.” Maybe still a bit scrawny and maybe bones were a little too visible but there was always a touch of soft smooth lines. 

But now Peggy was working longer hours, and coming home with muscles and more money, deflecting anytime Angie had questions. It was decidedly odd.

The feelings it had inspired were decidedly odd too. It’s not like Angie had never felt insecure or jealous, insecurities were a part of growing up and jealousy was impossible to avoid in a family with more than one kid, much less one the size of the Martinelli clan. But it was the first time that Angie had felt insecure and jealous over Peggy. They’d had their fair share of arguing and fighting with each other growing up, you grow up cheek to cheek with someone there’s gonna be friction during the growing pains. But through it all the two of them had always been an air of inevitability, a security that no matter how much they fought at the end of the day it would always be the two of them. 

But this felt different. More than growing pains. It felt secretive in a way that hurt, in a way that left Angie feeling insecure and jealous. In a way that had her thinking about weddings. Because foolish as it was, Angie couldn’t help but feel like if everyone knew what Peggy was to her and she was to Peggy then there was no way she could ever lose her. 

Not that Angie was worried about losing Peggy.

Not really.

Still she couldn’t sleep.

Angie was so lost in her thoughts that even with her arm wrapped around Peggy she didn’t catch her waking up until she spoke.

“You think any louder and you’re gonna wake the neighbors.”

“I’m just having trouble sleeping is all, go back to sleep.”

Peggy turned onto her side, so that they were nose to nose, her wide brown eyes soft with sleep that she was still shaking off.

“What’s bothering you? I can tell it’s been keeping you up for a while,” She raise a hand to brush at the bruise-like bags under Angie’s eyes, “Tell me what it is and let me fix it.”

Angie was torn, because every time she brought up the work hours, and the money, she could feel it pushing them a little closer to a fight. She hated fighting with Peggy. Peggy did ask though.

“I want to know what you’re doing.”

Peggy pulled back a little, and she made that face, the one that Angie knew meant she was gonna lie. 

“I don--”

“No! Don’t lie to me Margaret Elizabeth Carter! You do know what I’m talking about.”

“I can’t tell you Angie.”

“Then say that, don’t lie to me!”

“I have been saying that, and you just keep pushing! I can’t tell anyone, not even my spouse if I was married.”

And all of a sudden Angie changed her mind, she pulled away from Peggy and sat up, she did want to fight. She couldn’t even really say where the anger came from, just that she was frustrated and in a horrible mood and straight up itching for a fight. She was furious and not thinking straight and that was probably the stupidest thing she’d ever said came out of her mouth.

“Then why don’t you go get married then.”

It burst the bubble of tension because it didn’t even make sense in any sort of context. Peggy just blinked her for a moment while sitting up, before gasping “What?!” 

Angie couldn’t even answer that, because she can’t even say really why she’s so angry or why she even said that. 

“Don’t try and change the subject, we’re talking about you lying to me.” It does not come out as aggressive as she had hoped.

Peggy is just looking at her, frowning in confusion. The she leaned forward and grabbed Angie in a hug.

“I’m working for the army, if I say any more they’ll probably put us both in prison, I’m not kidding love.” She whispered against Angie’s ear before pulling back and speaking in her normal voice “Now what’s this about me getting married?”

Now it’s Angie’s turn to blink in confusion. Because why would Peggy be working for the Army. Peggy’s Ma had served in WAAC in France during the Great War, it’s where she’d met Peggy’s Father, and Angie had an Aunt who had been a Yeomanette for the Navy in the shipyards until the war ended, but what on earth would Peggy be doing for the army, because Angie knew that Peggy would never tolerate being a secretary. The US wasn’t even at war. 

“I’m serious love,” Peggy said quietly, “I can’t talk about it anymore, if I could I would, you know I don’t keep secrets from my girl. Now back to marriage. You hate weddings, why you so mad at me that you’re wishing something you hate on me.”

Angie was feeling both unsatisfied and embarrassed. Because of what she said, and because she wanted more from Peggy, and also because the part of her that was all riled wanted to finish the fight. 

“I don’t want you to get married.” She mumbled, unsure of what else to say. 

If she was being honest with herself she knows exactly why she got so angry at Peggy’s statement, because she’d spent a whole two weeks feeling insecure and jealous and like something was becoming between them and then the imagery of Peggy with her ‘spouse.’ Some random but socially acceptable husband who could belong to Peggy in public and could have a church wedding and could give Peggy everything but the love that she deserved.

The thought made Angie’s blood boil.

“I want to get married.” Peggy said as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world, “But I can’t so I won’t.”

“Yeah,” Angie wasn’t sure exactly what she meant by that but it felt like the thing to say and the way that Peggy nodded and the pulled them both back to laying down, it seemed like she at least understood.

“Peggy,” Angie said after laying quietly in the dark for several long minutes, “I wouldn’t hate weddings if it was with you.”

“I know, and I’d marry you in a heartbeat if the world would let me.”

“I know.”

They lay in silence for a long time and Angie honestly thinks the conversation is over and done with, but there’s something unsatisfied in her stomach that is gnawing at her. She doesn’t know what it is until she finds herself asking the question in a very small voice.

“How long?”

And suddenly it’s so obvious. It’s not that she’s not jealous and insecure, it’s the why of it. She’s never been insecure like this because honestly she’s never had any reason to be. But Peggy has gone and changed things without even asking, without even talking to Angie. It’s not like she needs Angie’s permission to change jobs or even that Angie might have told her not to do it, it’s that they’re a matched set the two of them. They’re partners, have been since before they could walk, and Peggy went did something that she couldn’t even talk to Angie about and she didn’t even talk to Angie about. Just made an irrevocable decision that affected her life, and affected Angie’s life and didn’t give her any warning or nothing to even let her know she’d done it.

Even though Angie was still feeling clingy in the face of insecurity, she suddenly felt very suffocated. For nineteen years, she’d chosen Peggy without even thinking about it, and she’d always sworn until she was blue in the face that it was what she wanted and she’d had a choice and she’d made hers. And maybe it was, and maybe she did, and she’d definitely had. But also, maybe, what if, the question felt traitorous and disloyal, was it really that much of a choice, even she had other options, when she didn’t even know who she was without Peggy.

They were a matched set.

Always had been.

And it felt so suffocating.

Peggy didn’t answer the question, as if she could hear Angie’s thoughts, and maybe she was asleep but Angie didn’t think she was.

“I can guess how long,” She can’t keep the hurt anger out of her tone, “You didn’t even tell me you were going to do this. You swore that you’d keep a big new part of your life secret from me and you didn’t even warn me that you were going to do it.”

It hurt. And it hurt that Peggy wasn’t even answering her. Angie has slept next to her enough times in her life to know exactly when Peggy was sleeping and when she was laying awake in the dark. It’s something Peggy wouldn’t talk about with her roommate, or a casual lover, or best friend even, but the girl who’d she’d already be married to if it were legal to do so, didn’t she deserve to know that Peggy was going have to start keeping secrets.

“I’m sorry.” Peggy all but whispers in the dark after a while, a little too long for it to mean much to Angie right now.

Doesn’t matter how much this hurts, how angry Angie is, they’ll get past this. Nineteen years of experience in resolving arguments between the two of them makes this a reasonable certainty. But she doesn’t want to do that work tonight. Doesn’t want to think about this, think about weddings, think about what’s going to happen and what she can’t have. So Angie does the one thing she knows will wear herself out and stop the racing thoughts in her heads.

She rolls over on top of Peggy and starts at her neck and works her way down until Peggy is gasping for air and trying not to make too much noise. Her movements are quick and they’re angry, but Angie draws it out in the best way. When they’re done she’s able to go to sleep but she doesn’t feel better.

In the morning when she wakes up, Peggy’s already left for work.


End file.
